This is not an official Altoids site. But there is one.

Altoids box The Altoids Shrine Altoids box

News Flash! Heretics to be burned! Film at 11!

Read, oh my brethren, the history of the Altoids Shrine, may it never topple.

October 14, 1996 I brought a box of Altoids in, and offered them around to the other developers at the office.

October 15, 1996 My box of altoids was empty. I bought another one. To make it more convenient, I just left it sitting out on my desk.

October 16, 1996 My second box of Altoids was empty. George set his out. We put the second empty box on top of the first, on the table behind the bookcase.

October 17, 1996 George's box of Altoids was empty. We stacked it with the other two. Mike went and bought a box. People from the rest of the company started wandering by and eating Altoids.

October 21, 1996 CJ commented on the size of the stack of Altoids boxes accumulating behind the bookcase.

November 12, 1996 Mike went to Sams Club and bought a case of Altoids.

November 27, 1996 Moved perhaps by fate, a stray air current, or just possibly the ineffable hand of the Altoids Man, the pile of empty Altoids boxes fell over for the first time. We stacked them back on top of the bookcase.

December 17, 1996 Brother Tim found the simple straight piles of empty Altoids tins boring, and restacked them into a more interesting shape, and Lo!, it resembled a wall, and in front of the middle of it he did place the blessed Altoids Tin which was not empty, and soon it was empty, and we did call this Tin the Altar.

December 19, 1996 Sister Jennifer did find on the World Wide Web, blessed be it, the Altoids Man, and did Print him out, and then did mount him to Card Stock, and did scribe around his Holy Figure with the Knife of Exacto, and did glue his Holy Feet to the Altar of the Altoids Shrine.

December 23, 1996 When the faithful assembled for Monday Morning, Lo!, it was seen that Offerings had been left at the Altoids Shrine, and these offerings did consist of Pennies, and Quarters, and a blessed wrapped Strawberry Hard Candy. And CJ did say that her Knee felt much better, and Tighe had gone out on a Good Date.

January 3, 1997 The Shrine was beautiful, and solid, and happy, and was tended by the Brothers of the Altoids, and these were: David, and George, and Richard, and Mike, and Max, and Chris, and by Sister Jennifer, Blessed of the Mints.

January 11, 1997, may it live forever in infamy, the Tin was empty. And the brothers did dispute with each other, some saying that it was David's turn to buy a tin, and some that it was Richard's; and some that it was Max's. And the Offerings were insufficient, and the Tin remained empty.

June 11, 1997 Brother Max departed this day the Company.

September 20, 1997 The Evil Times linger on. Altoids are not venerated, or bought, or consumed, as they used to be. The shrine survives, but it is not visited, and Dust settles on the Holy Tins.

November 30, 1997 Inspired no doubt by the Gods, Brother Chris began the labor of rebuilding the Altoids Shrine according to a Grander and Larger Plan.

December 5, 1997 This day, the Gods, being pleased, have been supremely good unto us, for they have vouchsafed us through the agency of George our Brother in Altoids the Big Tin.

Redesign was immediately begun, to incorporate the scale of this new Graphical Element. After some time, however, the Engineers pointed out that in its current state the Big Tin was too heavy to be supported by the structure of The Shrine, and that the only safe place for it was solidly on the ground.

No Volunteers were found to solve the problem by eating the contents of the Big Tin.

And yet the Shrine is mighty, and visitors come from miles around to admire its great beauty, and they look upon the Big Tin, and they see its majesty. And they look within the Big Tin, and they see the Altoids. And they place them in their Mouths, and they know that they are good.

Thus it is written.


This is a work of fiction. All characters are made up, or are used fictionally. All dates are made up, except for December 5, 1997, which really happened.

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Last modified Wednesday, 02-Aug-2006 15:42:36 PDT.
David Dyer-Bennet